The Lord has been asking me to write this for several months now and we have argued. Actually at one point I flat out said no and I was moving on, but He didn't move on and has been nudging me the whole time. I kept putting Him off. I know silly, huh? I'll be honest, I didn't want to write this for lots of reasons. One I have no idea why He would want me to write this. Not sure what He wants to accomplish in this. It's just where I am at. I don't know what He wants to do in me or what He will do in others through this, but if He keeps insisting that I do this, then I guess I should obey. I am sitting down and just typing. Still not sure what I am to say, but here goes.....
I don't have a best friend. Don't get me wrong, my husband is my best friend. I love him so much, but there are certain things that can only be fulfilled by a female friend. I also want to clarify that I have great friends. Some of the best, so please if you are reading this and you are one of my good friends, don't take any of this personally. But, I don't have a BEST friend. I don't have that friend that if you go a few days without talking to them it's unusual. I could easily go weeks without talking to any specific one of my friends. I'm not saying it's good or it's bad, it's just the way it is. I've had seasons of my life that I have had this type of friendship and I do miss it. See my closest friends all seem to have a best friend. That friend that you just do life with. You talk about everything. You know almost everything about each other!
I have walked through times that I have really struggled with this. I had a best friend growing up, my mom had a best friend while I was growing up. That's what I know and honestly deep down what my heart longs for. That is how I am wired. I have gone through times in my life where not having a best friend has been really hard all the time. I have other times where I'm ok with it. It's hard at times but over all, I'm ok.
So, now I come to the part of why would God ask me to share this with you. I read over it and it's where I am at, but why should I share it with you. How is sharing this helpful to me or you? I'm not sure. Maybe I am to be looking for a reason why I don't have a best friend. Maybe sharing is His way of having me take a deeper look beyond the surface. Is there something He is wanting to teach me that a best friend would distract from, a work that He is wanting to do? Is there something in me that keeps friendships from going to that level? Something I need to work on or let go of? I have no idea. Does He want me dependent on Him alone? But I know God has created us for intimate relationships with others. I don't know and I'm just babbling on! Guess I will be praying through this. Lord, show me your heart. What are you wanting to do in me?
So, there you have it. I'll be honest, I don't even want to share this post because it makes no sense. But sometimes God takes our obedience that makes no sense and does something with it. So, Lord have your way. I guess I am willing to look foolish for You and share this.
By the way, this is not a campaign for a best friend! I am not putting this out there because I am searching for a new friend who can fill my "best friend position!" Just sharing where I am at out of obedience.
