Confessions From a Mother's Heart

Well, I'm going to be honest, this past week has really beat me up!  I have been feeling like a total failure as a mother!  My kids' behavior has definitely been less than desirable!  I feel like I have completely lost all control of them!  It doesn't matter what I say or do, it doesn't seem to work!  They have been fighting with one another!  They have been disrespectful to me!  They have been very mouthy with one another!  There has been lying!  And, most mornings, this has all been happening by 9:30 in the morning and they're not getting up till 8:00!  I've been ready to pull my hair out!  I have blown it on more than one occasion and have lost it with them.  I have handled it the right way and it doesn't seem to have any better results!  No matter how I handle it, according to them I hate them and I'm just being mean!  I don't know what to do any more!

Well, as I was praying this morning about the kids, about me and how we are getting along with one another, I felt the Lord impress two words on my heart.  CALM and CONSISTENCY!  Wow!  Simple, but yet.......   For those of you who know me well, you know that these two things should be very easy for me because I always remain calm, cool, and collected........  NOT!  And, I am always a very consistent person!  Well, I do try to be, but I struggle a lot with this!  So, I know that these are two areas I need to work on and it will only come with the Lord's strength!  I do feel I've come a long way in these areas over the past year, but still have so far to go!  I am such a work in progress!

Then as I continued to pray the Lord spoke something so clearly to me that was such a light bulb moment!  "Realize who you are battling!  You are not battling your children, you are battling the enemy for your children!"  WOW!  WOW!  WOW!  All this week, I have felt like I have been in a battle with my children, but I should not be, I should be battling for them!  What does that look like!  Well, I am going to be praying a lot about that!  But, I do know that's one way it looks!  On my knees praying!  That is where the major part of this battle will be fought!  I know that I have no power to change my children, but I do have the power through Christ to claim them and fight the enemy for them!  I have the power to not allow the enemy to use my weaknesses to be a poor example to them in that moment when they need a positive example most!

I know that this is going to be a constant struggle and up hill battle!  But I am so glad for the reminder that I am not in a battle against my children, but we are in a battle together against the enemy and I need to show them how to fight!  Every one of them has told me that they don't want to behave the way they do when they act like that but that it's hard not to give in to the anger, or the temptation to lie, or whatever might be tempting them at that moment!  So, I know that they desire to change!  I need to walk with them instead of fighting against them!  Pray for me that I can do that!  I'll be honest, I feel like I've been a little vulnerable about myself and about my children in this post, but really felt I was to post it!  Hope none of you will think less of me or my children for my honesty, this is just where we are at at this moment!  I'm in a place of humility and brokenness before God trusting he is going to lead!