Yeah, yeah, I know I should've posted this a long time ago! I think it was a combination of being super busy and quite honestly putting this off! I think I've been a little nervous about how people will view my posts and how they will view me after reading my posts! But, I felt like this is what God has asked me to do, so here goes! Ironic that the first one would be pride, huh? This is definitely humbling!
For those of you who didn't read my post My Prayer Closet, you might want to read it first so you understand what led up to this post and the ones to follow.
So a few days after God had asked me to go into my prayer closet, I was walking and I was asking God what He wanted to reveal to me. I heard Him say to me, you think you are better than some people! I felt like someone had thrown cold water in my face! I asked if He was sure! (I know silly question to ask God!) Did He remember that He had just brought me through the journey of finally truly embracing who I am! (Read my post Contented Discontentment) I have been insecure for so long, how could I think I am better than other people! So, he began to give me names and I realized He was right! I felt very convicted!
As I struggled through this realization and what to do with it, God began to really show me that my problem with being insecure and my problem with thinking I was better than others were actually rooted in the same thing! Comparing myself to others! I had become insecure because I didn't think I measured up to others around me! To the people I looked up to! But, thinking I was better than someone else had come from the same thing! I looked at certain people and I thought, I'm glad I'm not like that etc! God asked me to stop comparing myself to everyone else and just be the person He wants me to be! We are all created by God and we have different gifts and different purposes! To compare is not what God wants from us!
I also realized that even my insecurity had been rooted in pride! This comparing and deciding whether I was less than or better than was all rooted in pride! I read something in a book that says "Insecurity is wounded pride!" Wow after all God had been saying to me, that hit home!
So, I am working on only using God as my measuring stick! Only looking for my worth in Him and who He says I am. I am also working on being willing to love whoever God brings to me however He wants me to love them and not choosing who I want to love and who I don't want to love!
I'll be honest, I have to be very intentional to not compare! Our society is very much about "keeping up with the Jones's! But, I am trying to be purposeful about keeping my gaze on Jesus and not allow those thoughts of comparison to come into play! When they do I have been doing my best to take my thoughts captive! This is an area that God has been growing me in! We can't always help the thoughts that come into our head, but we can choose what we do with them once they are there!
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Thursday, October 11, 2012
My Prayer Closet
A few weeks ago, I was driving and the kids were in the back talking and doing their thing but I was thinking about things. During my quiet time that morning the Lord had showed me some things and I was thinking about what all it meant and where it was leading! As I was thinking, I heard God say to me, "It's time to go into your 'prayer closet'!"
I remember thinking okay God exactly what does that look like! Do you just want me to spend more time in prayer? Is there something specific that this means? Because if He just wanted me to spend more time in prayer I think that's what He would've said. Prayer closet seemed pretty specific. It's not words that I use!
So, over the next day or so I prayed and asked God to show me what that meant for me. I finally texted a friend and shared this and said what do you think this might mean? She said that for her it is entering a season of prayer that is undistracted and allowing God to show you things about yourself and it is often a time of preparation. I immediately replied back, do you know my life right now? No distraction, how do I do that????? She simply said God won't force you, but He's inviting you! He'll wait until you are ready!
So, I began to pray and ask God how do I do this? How do I eliminate distractions? I feel we are where you want us to be and it is very very busy right now! So, I began to think of what distractions I could eliminate. One of the first ones that came to my mind was Facebook. I felt that for a week I needed to step back and remove the distraction of Facebook. Something simple I could do! Not huge but an act of obedience on my part!
I began to try to find times that I could steal away and limit distractions. Walking in a quiet park while the kids were practicing their sports etc! Just trying to clear my mind of mental distractions when I spend time in prayer! He began to show me some things that I need to work on or areas I need to change! He gave me insight to steps I need to take for His future plans for us!
In my last blog post I said that I felt God was asking me to be more open with others about my struggles and be more real! Well my next few blog posts I will be sharing some of the things God has been showing me about myself during my time in my "Prayer Closet". I know He will be sharing more with me as well. Hope you all still love me as I am open about the things God is pointing out in my life!
I remember thinking okay God exactly what does that look like! Do you just want me to spend more time in prayer? Is there something specific that this means? Because if He just wanted me to spend more time in prayer I think that's what He would've said. Prayer closet seemed pretty specific. It's not words that I use!
So, over the next day or so I prayed and asked God to show me what that meant for me. I finally texted a friend and shared this and said what do you think this might mean? She said that for her it is entering a season of prayer that is undistracted and allowing God to show you things about yourself and it is often a time of preparation. I immediately replied back, do you know my life right now? No distraction, how do I do that????? She simply said God won't force you, but He's inviting you! He'll wait until you are ready!
So, I began to pray and ask God how do I do this? How do I eliminate distractions? I feel we are where you want us to be and it is very very busy right now! So, I began to think of what distractions I could eliminate. One of the first ones that came to my mind was Facebook. I felt that for a week I needed to step back and remove the distraction of Facebook. Something simple I could do! Not huge but an act of obedience on my part!
I began to try to find times that I could steal away and limit distractions. Walking in a quiet park while the kids were practicing their sports etc! Just trying to clear my mind of mental distractions when I spend time in prayer! He began to show me some things that I need to work on or areas I need to change! He gave me insight to steps I need to take for His future plans for us!
In my last blog post I said that I felt God was asking me to be more open with others about my struggles and be more real! Well my next few blog posts I will be sharing some of the things God has been showing me about myself during my time in my "Prayer Closet". I know He will be sharing more with me as well. Hope you all still love me as I am open about the things God is pointing out in my life!
Monday, October 1, 2012
Why Do We Hide Our Messes?
Back in the beginning of September we had a picnic planned that was to be outside. As it turned out, that day they were calling for thunderstorms with damaging winds. At the last minute they changed the picnic to someone's house. When all 50 of us were there some of us ladies were sitting around the table talking about the nightmare we would've had if the picnic would've been moved to our house an hour and a half before around 50 people would arrive! Stories of how we would be running around finding a home for everything! Trying to get things cleaned! Whatever didn't get cleaned up would get put in our room with the door locked! One of the ladies looked at me and asked why if we all are the same way do we worry about it so much! Why do we rush around and try to hide our mess? I answered and said because we're afraid that my mess is worse than yours!
Several days later this conversation came back to my mind. I'm not even sure why it came back to me. But, as I was thinking about it, I thought, you know, it's the same way in our spiritual lives! We always try to hide our "mess" from everyone else! Why do we do that? We know that everyone else has stuff too! But, we are all afraid that our mess might just be worse than someone else's mess! So when we are with others we quickly try to shove all our "mess" into a corner where no one will see it and put on our happy face so that everyone will think that everything is great! Why don't we allow others to see our "mess"? Why can't we be real with others and stop putting on our masks and hiding what's going on inside? I'm not suggesting we start going around whining about how awful our lives are or complaining because I don't like my life! I'm saying being transparent and admitting I have struggles! Admitting I don't have it all together and sometimes I fall! Sharing my hurts and my failures with those around me! Until we come to that place of being authentic we can never really gain victory! Without being real and sharing our hurts with others they are wasted! If we are willing to share then others can be helped by what we've walked through!
This post has been ruminating in my mind for a couple weeks and for some reason I just never got around to posting it. I realize now it's because God wasn't done with it yet! Last week I was with a friend and she was getting ready to tell me something and she prefaced it with, "I've never told you this because I was afraid you would think less of me because you're perfect!" WOW! I felt like someone had thrown water in my face! Boy, was that ever a wake up call! Did I hide who I was so much that someone would think I was perfect? I felt like God said to me you've been wanting to share this post about being real and not hiding things. Are you really willing to do that? How open are you willing to be? Are you ready to share whatever I ask of you? Are you truly willing to allow people to see who you really are?
I'll be honest, I didn't realize how much I must've been wearing a mask. I've always considered myself a fairly transparent person! Well apparently not as much as I am supposed to be! So, I guess I am entering a season of being more transparent! So it looks like some of my future posts may get a little uncomfortable for me as God may be asking me to share more openly! I'll be honest, I'm a little nervous about what this may look like! At the same time, I've been asking God to strip away whatever is in me that will keep me from being completely effective for Him! If this is part of the process I guess that I am one step closer to being the person he needs me to be!
Several days later this conversation came back to my mind. I'm not even sure why it came back to me. But, as I was thinking about it, I thought, you know, it's the same way in our spiritual lives! We always try to hide our "mess" from everyone else! Why do we do that? We know that everyone else has stuff too! But, we are all afraid that our mess might just be worse than someone else's mess! So when we are with others we quickly try to shove all our "mess" into a corner where no one will see it and put on our happy face so that everyone will think that everything is great! Why don't we allow others to see our "mess"? Why can't we be real with others and stop putting on our masks and hiding what's going on inside? I'm not suggesting we start going around whining about how awful our lives are or complaining because I don't like my life! I'm saying being transparent and admitting I have struggles! Admitting I don't have it all together and sometimes I fall! Sharing my hurts and my failures with those around me! Until we come to that place of being authentic we can never really gain victory! Without being real and sharing our hurts with others they are wasted! If we are willing to share then others can be helped by what we've walked through!
This post has been ruminating in my mind for a couple weeks and for some reason I just never got around to posting it. I realize now it's because God wasn't done with it yet! Last week I was with a friend and she was getting ready to tell me something and she prefaced it with, "I've never told you this because I was afraid you would think less of me because you're perfect!" WOW! I felt like someone had thrown water in my face! Boy, was that ever a wake up call! Did I hide who I was so much that someone would think I was perfect? I felt like God said to me you've been wanting to share this post about being real and not hiding things. Are you really willing to do that? How open are you willing to be? Are you ready to share whatever I ask of you? Are you truly willing to allow people to see who you really are?
I'll be honest, I didn't realize how much I must've been wearing a mask. I've always considered myself a fairly transparent person! Well apparently not as much as I am supposed to be! So, I guess I am entering a season of being more transparent! So it looks like some of my future posts may get a little uncomfortable for me as God may be asking me to share more openly! I'll be honest, I'm a little nervous about what this may look like! At the same time, I've been asking God to strip away whatever is in me that will keep me from being completely effective for Him! If this is part of the process I guess that I am one step closer to being the person he needs me to be!
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