Pride (Confessions From My Prayer Closet #1)

Yeah, yeah, I know I should've posted this a long time ago!  I think it was a combination of being super busy and quite honestly putting this off!  I think I've been a little nervous about how people will view my posts and how they will view me after reading my posts!  But, I felt like this is what God has asked me to do, so here goes!  Ironic that the first one would be pride, huh?  This is definitely humbling!

For those of you who didn't read my post My Prayer Closet, you might want to read it first so you understand what led up to this post and the ones to follow.

So a few days after God had asked me to go into my prayer closet, I was walking and I was asking God what He wanted to reveal to me.  I heard Him say to me, you think you are better than some people!  I felt like someone had thrown cold water in my face!  I asked if He was sure!  (I know silly question to ask God!)  Did He remember that He had just brought me through the journey of finally truly embracing who I am!  (Read my post Contented Discontentment)  I have been insecure for so long, how could I think I am better than other people!  So, he began to give me names and I realized He was right!  I felt very convicted!

As I struggled through this realization and what to do with it, God began to really show me that my problem with being insecure and my problem with thinking I was better than others were actually rooted in the same thing!  Comparing myself to others!  I had become insecure because I didn't think I measured up to others around me!  To the people I looked up to!  But, thinking I was better than someone else had come from the same thing!  I looked at certain people and I thought, I'm glad I'm not like that etc!  God asked me to stop comparing myself to everyone else and just be the person He wants me to be!  We are all created by God and we have different gifts and different purposes!  To compare is not what God wants from us!

I also realized that even my insecurity had been rooted in pride!  This comparing and deciding whether I was less than or better than was all rooted in pride!  I read something in a book that says "Insecurity is wounded pride!"  Wow after all God had been saying to me, that hit home!

So, I am working on only using God as my measuring stick!  Only looking for my worth in Him and who He says I am.  I am also working on being willing to love whoever God brings to me however He wants me to love them and not choosing who I want to love and who I don't want to love!

I'll be honest, I have to be very intentional to not compare!  Our society is very much about "keeping up with the Jones's!  But, I am trying to be purposeful about keeping my gaze on Jesus and not allow those thoughts of comparison to come into play!  When they do I have been doing my best to take my thoughts captive!  This is an area that God has been growing me in!  We can't always help the thoughts that come into our head, but we can choose what we do with them once they are there!