Thursday, December 20, 2012
While I'm Waiting
I woke up this morning with the line "While I'm waiting" going over and over again in my head. I couldn't even remember where I knew the song from or any of the other lines. Had no idea why it was in my head! After I got the kids on the bus I sat down to have some alone time with God. I spent some time just being quietly in His presence! Very little verbal communication, just resting in His presence! These words were still in my head!
After spending some time in my Bible, I got my journal out to see if I had anything I wanted to write down. I wasn't hearing anything so I decided to glance back in my journal. I like to look back and see what I've been hearing sometimes. Well just a few days ago I had written these thoughts and then what I felt the Lord was saying in response and suddenly I understood why this song had been in my head! I had forgotten I had even journaled this! Below is what I had written.
Waiting, waiting, waiting.....can be so hard! But in that waiting comes strength. In that waiting comes perseverance. In that waiting comes maturity. In that waiting comes greater faith. In that waiting comes pruning. I so often feel like I'm in a holding pattern! I feel like God has been saying wait to me for so long that some days I feel like it's the only word in His vocabulary! I feel like I've been circling waiting for my turn to land, often times feeling like I'm doing nothing but going in those circles! But, I realize that I'm not in a holding pattern, I'm in training! I'm being prepared! But, sometimes training is hard! It can seem endless! It can be exhausting! It can feel like you're not getting anywhere! It can seem like you're going one step forward and two steps back! Some days quite frankly you want to throw in the towel! As hard as training is, it is even harder when you aren't totally sure what you are training for!
Lord, forgive me for grumbling about waiting! Help me to look for the opportunities within the waiting instead of focusing on the hard parts!
His reply:
My daughter, can you just trust me? Am I enough for you? Do you need a great purpose? Do you need great accomplishments? Is my relationship with you enough? Not a relationship to just keep to yourself, but a filling of you by Me that spills out on to the people you are with! Allowing me to touch people through you as you go throughout your day! You may not even know it happened! It might just be you carrying my presence into a room and shifting the atmosphere but you not even knowing it happened! Just walk with me each day! That's all you need to do! Live in my presence! Be a conduit through which I can flow! It doesn't need to be big things, it just needs to be obedience!
So, after I read that I thought I need to look up this song! So I looked it up on You Tube and listened! Exactly what God was already telling me! Focus on worship and obedience! Be filled with me and move ahead in confidence! Waiting doesn't mean stop! It simply means there's more! Honestly, we will always be waiting! As we are given one assignment, we are waiting on the next! As we are given one piece of the puzzle, we are waiting on the next! As we are filled more with God's presence we are waiting on more! We will never be done waiting until we reach heaven where we are forever in His glorious presence at it's fullest capacity! Sometimes we are in periods of time where we feel like all we are doing is waiting and there feels like there is no action! During those times, we need to focus on simply going deeper in our walk with Him and daily walking in obedience! Things are happening through us, we just don't always see it! It's all part of His plan and His purpose! He knows exactly what He is doing, we just need to trust Him!
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Stop the Lies!
I woke up Saturday thinking it was going to be a great day! We were going nowhere all day! We were going to decorate the Christmas tree and get all of our decorations up! I had this great picture of us playing Christmas music, smiling and laughing and sipping hot chocolate! Isn't that the way it's supposed to work?? =) Well, we slept in and then ate breakfast and I cleaned up a little and we were ready to get started! Well, out of nowhere, I just felt so discouraged! Well, I shouldn't say nowhere. Something small happened but it completely threw me! It felt bigger than that little incident! I couldn't shake this overwhelming feeling of discouragement! I went through my whole day that way! Kind of felt like Eeyore with my own little cloud following me around!
That evening everyone else was outside and I was preparing supper. I was spending some time in prayer during this brief time of quiet and I began to hear these little whispers. "How is God using you? What do you have to offer? Where do you fit in? God has better gifted people than you to accomplish His plans! Why would you even pursue being equipped for further ministry when He won't use you anyway?? Why do you even blog? No one cares about what you have to say!" I began to feel worthless and purposeless! I knew these were lies from the enemy but they were beating me up anyway! I stood there and I thought, "Where is this coming from? I've been doing so well at overcoming his lies the last few months! I've felt secure in who I am in Christ and when the enemy has thrown me lies I've come back with God's truths and moved on! Why now??" Then God began to show me times through out my week that I had been told lies by the enemy, recognized that's what they were but did nothing about them! I allowed them little by little to just sit there! I hadn't dwelt on them at the time, but I also didn't speak truth to replace them! I took them on! As I stood there in my kitchen I was completely overcome! It didn't matter that I knew they were lies or that I now knew where they came from, I was completely incapable of letting them go! I cried and felt completely worthless! I began to think that nothing I've been doing has been worthwhile or has accomplished anything! I've not had an impact on anyone's life! I've not made a difference at all!
Then, I stopped and I thought I cannot do this! Lord, I need help! I decided right then that if I didn't take action I would end up where I was a little less than a year ago and I was not doing that again! No more pity parties! No more comparisons! So, I immediately messaged a friend and told her what was going on and I asked her to pray! I wanted someone else to know where I was at. To be praying for me and so that I had accountability! She prayed for me as I knew she would, encouraged me and gave me some scripture.
The next morning as I was spending time in prayer before church I was praying for our service and for Steve as he led. I felt like God impressed on my heart to pray that the Holy Spirit would give Steve something new and that he would be obedient and be willing to can what he originally planned despite his time and energy that he had put into the original plan. That he would allow the Holy Spirit to lead our morning no matter what that looked like! So, I prayed that. And of course I headed to church with anticipation! Anxious to see what God was up to! But, I'll be honest after the way I had been feeling the previous evening and was still feeling discouraged I thought maybe it wasn't really God but simply my imagination! The only other thing I remember praying Sunday morning was, "God, you know how I'm feeling right now! I'm struggling with who I am! I feel completely insignificant! I don't feel like I have a purpose or that I have any value! I am asking you to please give me a sign today of how you feel about me! Show me that I matter! Send someone with a word from you or do something to just show me that I matter to you! Something that I can't miss!"
So, we get to church and I helped get everything set up! I took care of a few things and then being in the place I was at, I went and sat down at my seat and didn't really even talk to anyone! I sat there just feeling sorry for myself and honestly forgetting about what I had prayed that morning! Worship started and I was only partially engaged! We sat down and Steve got up to share the message. He started talking but I was distracted by giving a little girl back to her mother and missed what he said. Then I realized that Steve was apologizing because he felt unprepared because an hour before the service the Holy Spirit gave him a new message and he had no time to prepare! He had worked all week on another message but that wasn't the one he was to share! I laughed inside and thought I am going to have to apologize to Steve later! Well, as he began his message he spoke on our identity and who we are in Christ! How we are all valuable and have worth in Christ! Without him we are nothing but in Christ we are wonderful! He shared from Psalm 139 and Ephesians 2. He made the statement that we need to stop comparing ourselves to others! Talk about hitting the nail on the head! For those of you who have read my blog before you know this is a problem for me and was what got me to where I was the night before! Wow! I sat there in amazement! Not only had God answered my prayer about allowing the Holy Spirit to change the plan for the morning, He changed the sermon to exactly what I needed to hear! I sat there thinking, "Wow God! I will accept this as my sign about how much you value me! How much more obvious can it be?" When I prayed that morning I had no idea that God was going to answer both of those prayers with the same thing!
I went up to Steve and apologized for wrecking his morning! LOL! I shared with him what had happened. I shared that it was doubly my fault because I prayed it would happen and the message was what I needed! I was the one who needed to hear that! I'm sure there were plenty of others who needed that message that morning, but for me it was very personal! We then talked for a little and Steve shared some things with me that I needed to hear! Things that encouraged me and filled me again with expectation and anticipation! He didn't give me answers, but he gave me more questions that sent me back into pursuing God's heart! Feeling like once again I had purpose!
I came home that afternoon and I got out my Bible, my Jesus Calling devotional book and my journal! It's so funny how God works! I read my devotional from Jesus Calling from the day before because I hadn't read it and the scripture she quoted was Psalm 139! Then, after journaling for awhile I looked back through my old journal entries and came to one that I was writing what God was saying to me from Psalm 139! Then that evening I was reading Francis Chan's book Forgotten God and he quoted Ephesians 2! It's funny how when God wants you to get something, He will repeat it!
So, on Saturday I felt defeated and completely unsuited for ministry! By the end of the day Sunday, I was excited and anticipating what God is up to! My challenge to you is this. When the enemy tells you lies, don't just realize that they are lies, do something about them! Renounce them! Speak God's truth in place of them! Because even though you might not realize it when you leave them alone they are still sitting there! They may be dormant for a bit, but they are there and will come back to bite you! Also, when you feel like you have gotten to that place where the lies are more than you can escape on your own, don't try to walk it alone! God has given us relationships for a reason! He wants us to walk this journey together! I've tried to hide how I'm feeling from everyone else in the past! To look on the outside like I am doing fine when on the inside I am falling apart and it doesn't work! Find that person that you can ask to pray for you! Someone who won't let you completely withdraw and fall deeper into that bed of lies! Someone who will speak truth into your life! God is good! He will rescue you from that place if you ask Him to! He will show you that person who will walk beside you! He is a personal and intimate God and He loves you very much!
That evening everyone else was outside and I was preparing supper. I was spending some time in prayer during this brief time of quiet and I began to hear these little whispers. "How is God using you? What do you have to offer? Where do you fit in? God has better gifted people than you to accomplish His plans! Why would you even pursue being equipped for further ministry when He won't use you anyway?? Why do you even blog? No one cares about what you have to say!" I began to feel worthless and purposeless! I knew these were lies from the enemy but they were beating me up anyway! I stood there and I thought, "Where is this coming from? I've been doing so well at overcoming his lies the last few months! I've felt secure in who I am in Christ and when the enemy has thrown me lies I've come back with God's truths and moved on! Why now??" Then God began to show me times through out my week that I had been told lies by the enemy, recognized that's what they were but did nothing about them! I allowed them little by little to just sit there! I hadn't dwelt on them at the time, but I also didn't speak truth to replace them! I took them on! As I stood there in my kitchen I was completely overcome! It didn't matter that I knew they were lies or that I now knew where they came from, I was completely incapable of letting them go! I cried and felt completely worthless! I began to think that nothing I've been doing has been worthwhile or has accomplished anything! I've not had an impact on anyone's life! I've not made a difference at all!
Then, I stopped and I thought I cannot do this! Lord, I need help! I decided right then that if I didn't take action I would end up where I was a little less than a year ago and I was not doing that again! No more pity parties! No more comparisons! So, I immediately messaged a friend and told her what was going on and I asked her to pray! I wanted someone else to know where I was at. To be praying for me and so that I had accountability! She prayed for me as I knew she would, encouraged me and gave me some scripture.
The next morning as I was spending time in prayer before church I was praying for our service and for Steve as he led. I felt like God impressed on my heart to pray that the Holy Spirit would give Steve something new and that he would be obedient and be willing to can what he originally planned despite his time and energy that he had put into the original plan. That he would allow the Holy Spirit to lead our morning no matter what that looked like! So, I prayed that. And of course I headed to church with anticipation! Anxious to see what God was up to! But, I'll be honest after the way I had been feeling the previous evening and was still feeling discouraged I thought maybe it wasn't really God but simply my imagination! The only other thing I remember praying Sunday morning was, "God, you know how I'm feeling right now! I'm struggling with who I am! I feel completely insignificant! I don't feel like I have a purpose or that I have any value! I am asking you to please give me a sign today of how you feel about me! Show me that I matter! Send someone with a word from you or do something to just show me that I matter to you! Something that I can't miss!"
So, we get to church and I helped get everything set up! I took care of a few things and then being in the place I was at, I went and sat down at my seat and didn't really even talk to anyone! I sat there just feeling sorry for myself and honestly forgetting about what I had prayed that morning! Worship started and I was only partially engaged! We sat down and Steve got up to share the message. He started talking but I was distracted by giving a little girl back to her mother and missed what he said. Then I realized that Steve was apologizing because he felt unprepared because an hour before the service the Holy Spirit gave him a new message and he had no time to prepare! He had worked all week on another message but that wasn't the one he was to share! I laughed inside and thought I am going to have to apologize to Steve later! Well, as he began his message he spoke on our identity and who we are in Christ! How we are all valuable and have worth in Christ! Without him we are nothing but in Christ we are wonderful! He shared from Psalm 139 and Ephesians 2. He made the statement that we need to stop comparing ourselves to others! Talk about hitting the nail on the head! For those of you who have read my blog before you know this is a problem for me and was what got me to where I was the night before! Wow! I sat there in amazement! Not only had God answered my prayer about allowing the Holy Spirit to change the plan for the morning, He changed the sermon to exactly what I needed to hear! I sat there thinking, "Wow God! I will accept this as my sign about how much you value me! How much more obvious can it be?" When I prayed that morning I had no idea that God was going to answer both of those prayers with the same thing!
I went up to Steve and apologized for wrecking his morning! LOL! I shared with him what had happened. I shared that it was doubly my fault because I prayed it would happen and the message was what I needed! I was the one who needed to hear that! I'm sure there were plenty of others who needed that message that morning, but for me it was very personal! We then talked for a little and Steve shared some things with me that I needed to hear! Things that encouraged me and filled me again with expectation and anticipation! He didn't give me answers, but he gave me more questions that sent me back into pursuing God's heart! Feeling like once again I had purpose!
I came home that afternoon and I got out my Bible, my Jesus Calling devotional book and my journal! It's so funny how God works! I read my devotional from Jesus Calling from the day before because I hadn't read it and the scripture she quoted was Psalm 139! Then, after journaling for awhile I looked back through my old journal entries and came to one that I was writing what God was saying to me from Psalm 139! Then that evening I was reading Francis Chan's book Forgotten God and he quoted Ephesians 2! It's funny how when God wants you to get something, He will repeat it!
So, on Saturday I felt defeated and completely unsuited for ministry! By the end of the day Sunday, I was excited and anticipating what God is up to! My challenge to you is this. When the enemy tells you lies, don't just realize that they are lies, do something about them! Renounce them! Speak God's truth in place of them! Because even though you might not realize it when you leave them alone they are still sitting there! They may be dormant for a bit, but they are there and will come back to bite you! Also, when you feel like you have gotten to that place where the lies are more than you can escape on your own, don't try to walk it alone! God has given us relationships for a reason! He wants us to walk this journey together! I've tried to hide how I'm feeling from everyone else in the past! To look on the outside like I am doing fine when on the inside I am falling apart and it doesn't work! Find that person that you can ask to pray for you! Someone who won't let you completely withdraw and fall deeper into that bed of lies! Someone who will speak truth into your life! God is good! He will rescue you from that place if you ask Him to! He will show you that person who will walk beside you! He is a personal and intimate God and He loves you very much!
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Are We Going to Live in Fear?
I'm going to be very frank in this post! I may offend some of you, and I apologize, but I feel that God has laid this on my heart to share! I'll be honest, I was disappointed when I woke up this morning and heard the results of the election! I am saddened for where our country has been headed economically and morally! But, honestly what broke my heart even more were all the posts about fear! Especially from my friends who are fellow believers!
For those of us who are Christian, we do not need to live in fear! We are told in 2 Timothy 1:7 to not have fear! I am an NIV person, but in this case, I think the good ole' King James says it best!
For those of us who are Christian, we do not need to live in fear! We are told in 2 Timothy 1:7 to not have fear! I am an NIV person, but in this case, I think the good ole' King James says it best!
2 Timothy 1:7
King James Version (KJV)
7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
People we are called to be a people of power and of love and of a sound mind! That doesn't sound anything like fear! Let's step up and be bold and love our neighbors as ourselves!
I was recently at a ladies conference and one of the speakers made a statement I will never forget! "Fear is faith pointed at the wrong kingdom!" Which kingdom are you putting your faith in? If you truly trust our God and believe that He is all powerful then stop living in fear! Fear only feeds the enemy, it does nothing to defeat his purposes!
I'm not promising you that things you are fearing won't happen, but I am promising you that a God who loves you is never going to leave you or forsake you! He will be with you no matter what happens! In fact, we are told that in this world we will have trouble!
People we are called to be a people of power and of love and of a sound mind! That doesn't sound anything like fear! Let's step up and be bold and love our neighbors as ourselves!
I was recently at a ladies conference and one of the speakers made a statement I will never forget! "Fear is faith pointed at the wrong kingdom!" Which kingdom are you putting your faith in? If you truly trust our God and believe that He is all powerful then stop living in fear! Fear only feeds the enemy, it does nothing to defeat his purposes!
I'm not promising you that things you are fearing won't happen, but I am promising you that a God who loves you is never going to leave you or forsake you! He will be with you no matter what happens! In fact, we are told that in this world we will have trouble!
John 16:33
New International Version (NIV)
33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
Why live in fear today of what MAY happen tomorrow! Focus on God! Seek His face! I believe that we as Americans will have some rough times ahead of us! Does me living in fear accomplish anything? Does me humbling myself and seeking His face accomplish something?
Living in fear of tomorrow only steals our joy from today! Let's humble ourselves as a nation and seek God's answers for our country! Let's stop depending on one man or government to provide our answers and our feeling secure and stable! I'll be honest, it doesn't matter who is president right now, I believe our nation and our world is headed into some tumultous times! We simply need to heed it as a call to be on our knees for God's direction! We need to be on our knees for wisdom for our leaders of our country and of our churches! We can't change the results of an election, but we can change our hearts and where our focus is! We can do our part! Let's be the body of Christ we were called to be! A people of power, of love and of a sound mind!
Why live in fear today of what MAY happen tomorrow! Focus on God! Seek His face! I believe that we as Americans will have some rough times ahead of us! Does me living in fear accomplish anything? Does me humbling myself and seeking His face accomplish something?
2 Chronicles 7:14
New International Version (NIV)
14 if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.
Living in fear of tomorrow only steals our joy from today! Let's humble ourselves as a nation and seek God's answers for our country! Let's stop depending on one man or government to provide our answers and our feeling secure and stable! I'll be honest, it doesn't matter who is president right now, I believe our nation and our world is headed into some tumultous times! We simply need to heed it as a call to be on our knees for God's direction! We need to be on our knees for wisdom for our leaders of our country and of our churches! We can't change the results of an election, but we can change our hearts and where our focus is! We can do our part! Let's be the body of Christ we were called to be! A people of power, of love and of a sound mind!
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Anger (Confessions From My Prayer Closet #2)
I know, I know, this post was a long time in coming! I really have no excuses except that for some reason I have been putting it off! Not really sure why! It just never seemed like the right time to sit down and type it! Who knows! For those of you who haven't read my original post on my prayer closet you can go here to read it. My Prayer Closet
So, the second thing that God showed me that I needed to work on was anger. This didn't really come as a surprise. I have always struggled with feeling angry when I get too frustrated or when I feel that someone has done something they shouldn't! Unfortunately the enemy knows this is a weakness for me and he uses my children the most often to push that button! So, they are usually the ones who have to experience the results of my anger! When I get upset, I say things to them that I regret almost the moment the words are out of my mouth! I apologize and love on them whenever the moment has passed, but the damage is still done!
This is an area I have been working on for quite a while! And, I am happy to say, I've come a long way! I'll be honest, I still have a long way to go, but I am able to control it much better than I used to! Through much prayer! So, when I heard the Lord say anger, my response was simply, "Yeah Lord, I know we need to keep working on that one! Continue to help me grow in this area and control the words I say even more than I am now!"
His response was not what I expected. He said, "We can continue to work on you controlling your anger when you feel upset, or we can find the root of the anger and tear it out and you can stop controlling and get rid of it instead!"
Well, that sounds like a much better option to me! I guess I never realized that I had a root to my anger! Just thought it was my personality! So, I am still praying about that and seeking God to see what this root might be! Maybe that's why I've been putting off posting this because I don't feel like I've found the answer yet. So, if the Lord brings me to your mind, you can pray with me that I can figure out what the root of this is and take care of it once and for all! How great to be free of something instead of simply controlling it!
So, the second thing that God showed me that I needed to work on was anger. This didn't really come as a surprise. I have always struggled with feeling angry when I get too frustrated or when I feel that someone has done something they shouldn't! Unfortunately the enemy knows this is a weakness for me and he uses my children the most often to push that button! So, they are usually the ones who have to experience the results of my anger! When I get upset, I say things to them that I regret almost the moment the words are out of my mouth! I apologize and love on them whenever the moment has passed, but the damage is still done!
This is an area I have been working on for quite a while! And, I am happy to say, I've come a long way! I'll be honest, I still have a long way to go, but I am able to control it much better than I used to! Through much prayer! So, when I heard the Lord say anger, my response was simply, "Yeah Lord, I know we need to keep working on that one! Continue to help me grow in this area and control the words I say even more than I am now!"
His response was not what I expected. He said, "We can continue to work on you controlling your anger when you feel upset, or we can find the root of the anger and tear it out and you can stop controlling and get rid of it instead!"
Well, that sounds like a much better option to me! I guess I never realized that I had a root to my anger! Just thought it was my personality! So, I am still praying about that and seeking God to see what this root might be! Maybe that's why I've been putting off posting this because I don't feel like I've found the answer yet. So, if the Lord brings me to your mind, you can pray with me that I can figure out what the root of this is and take care of it once and for all! How great to be free of something instead of simply controlling it!
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Pride (Confessions From My Prayer Closet #1)
Yeah, yeah, I know I should've posted this a long time ago! I think it was a combination of being super busy and quite honestly putting this off! I think I've been a little nervous about how people will view my posts and how they will view me after reading my posts! But, I felt like this is what God has asked me to do, so here goes! Ironic that the first one would be pride, huh? This is definitely humbling!
For those of you who didn't read my post My Prayer Closet, you might want to read it first so you understand what led up to this post and the ones to follow.
So a few days after God had asked me to go into my prayer closet, I was walking and I was asking God what He wanted to reveal to me. I heard Him say to me, you think you are better than some people! I felt like someone had thrown cold water in my face! I asked if He was sure! (I know silly question to ask God!) Did He remember that He had just brought me through the journey of finally truly embracing who I am! (Read my post Contented Discontentment) I have been insecure for so long, how could I think I am better than other people! So, he began to give me names and I realized He was right! I felt very convicted!
As I struggled through this realization and what to do with it, God began to really show me that my problem with being insecure and my problem with thinking I was better than others were actually rooted in the same thing! Comparing myself to others! I had become insecure because I didn't think I measured up to others around me! To the people I looked up to! But, thinking I was better than someone else had come from the same thing! I looked at certain people and I thought, I'm glad I'm not like that etc! God asked me to stop comparing myself to everyone else and just be the person He wants me to be! We are all created by God and we have different gifts and different purposes! To compare is not what God wants from us!
I also realized that even my insecurity had been rooted in pride! This comparing and deciding whether I was less than or better than was all rooted in pride! I read something in a book that says "Insecurity is wounded pride!" Wow after all God had been saying to me, that hit home!
So, I am working on only using God as my measuring stick! Only looking for my worth in Him and who He says I am. I am also working on being willing to love whoever God brings to me however He wants me to love them and not choosing who I want to love and who I don't want to love!
I'll be honest, I have to be very intentional to not compare! Our society is very much about "keeping up with the Jones's! But, I am trying to be purposeful about keeping my gaze on Jesus and not allow those thoughts of comparison to come into play! When they do I have been doing my best to take my thoughts captive! This is an area that God has been growing me in! We can't always help the thoughts that come into our head, but we can choose what we do with them once they are there!
For those of you who didn't read my post My Prayer Closet, you might want to read it first so you understand what led up to this post and the ones to follow.
So a few days after God had asked me to go into my prayer closet, I was walking and I was asking God what He wanted to reveal to me. I heard Him say to me, you think you are better than some people! I felt like someone had thrown cold water in my face! I asked if He was sure! (I know silly question to ask God!) Did He remember that He had just brought me through the journey of finally truly embracing who I am! (Read my post Contented Discontentment) I have been insecure for so long, how could I think I am better than other people! So, he began to give me names and I realized He was right! I felt very convicted!
As I struggled through this realization and what to do with it, God began to really show me that my problem with being insecure and my problem with thinking I was better than others were actually rooted in the same thing! Comparing myself to others! I had become insecure because I didn't think I measured up to others around me! To the people I looked up to! But, thinking I was better than someone else had come from the same thing! I looked at certain people and I thought, I'm glad I'm not like that etc! God asked me to stop comparing myself to everyone else and just be the person He wants me to be! We are all created by God and we have different gifts and different purposes! To compare is not what God wants from us!
I also realized that even my insecurity had been rooted in pride! This comparing and deciding whether I was less than or better than was all rooted in pride! I read something in a book that says "Insecurity is wounded pride!" Wow after all God had been saying to me, that hit home!
So, I am working on only using God as my measuring stick! Only looking for my worth in Him and who He says I am. I am also working on being willing to love whoever God brings to me however He wants me to love them and not choosing who I want to love and who I don't want to love!
I'll be honest, I have to be very intentional to not compare! Our society is very much about "keeping up with the Jones's! But, I am trying to be purposeful about keeping my gaze on Jesus and not allow those thoughts of comparison to come into play! When they do I have been doing my best to take my thoughts captive! This is an area that God has been growing me in! We can't always help the thoughts that come into our head, but we can choose what we do with them once they are there!
Thursday, October 11, 2012
My Prayer Closet
A few weeks ago, I was driving and the kids were in the back talking and doing their thing but I was thinking about things. During my quiet time that morning the Lord had showed me some things and I was thinking about what all it meant and where it was leading! As I was thinking, I heard God say to me, "It's time to go into your 'prayer closet'!"
I remember thinking okay God exactly what does that look like! Do you just want me to spend more time in prayer? Is there something specific that this means? Because if He just wanted me to spend more time in prayer I think that's what He would've said. Prayer closet seemed pretty specific. It's not words that I use!
So, over the next day or so I prayed and asked God to show me what that meant for me. I finally texted a friend and shared this and said what do you think this might mean? She said that for her it is entering a season of prayer that is undistracted and allowing God to show you things about yourself and it is often a time of preparation. I immediately replied back, do you know my life right now? No distraction, how do I do that????? She simply said God won't force you, but He's inviting you! He'll wait until you are ready!
So, I began to pray and ask God how do I do this? How do I eliminate distractions? I feel we are where you want us to be and it is very very busy right now! So, I began to think of what distractions I could eliminate. One of the first ones that came to my mind was Facebook. I felt that for a week I needed to step back and remove the distraction of Facebook. Something simple I could do! Not huge but an act of obedience on my part!
I began to try to find times that I could steal away and limit distractions. Walking in a quiet park while the kids were practicing their sports etc! Just trying to clear my mind of mental distractions when I spend time in prayer! He began to show me some things that I need to work on or areas I need to change! He gave me insight to steps I need to take for His future plans for us!
In my last blog post I said that I felt God was asking me to be more open with others about my struggles and be more real! Well my next few blog posts I will be sharing some of the things God has been showing me about myself during my time in my "Prayer Closet". I know He will be sharing more with me as well. Hope you all still love me as I am open about the things God is pointing out in my life!
I remember thinking okay God exactly what does that look like! Do you just want me to spend more time in prayer? Is there something specific that this means? Because if He just wanted me to spend more time in prayer I think that's what He would've said. Prayer closet seemed pretty specific. It's not words that I use!
So, over the next day or so I prayed and asked God to show me what that meant for me. I finally texted a friend and shared this and said what do you think this might mean? She said that for her it is entering a season of prayer that is undistracted and allowing God to show you things about yourself and it is often a time of preparation. I immediately replied back, do you know my life right now? No distraction, how do I do that????? She simply said God won't force you, but He's inviting you! He'll wait until you are ready!
So, I began to pray and ask God how do I do this? How do I eliminate distractions? I feel we are where you want us to be and it is very very busy right now! So, I began to think of what distractions I could eliminate. One of the first ones that came to my mind was Facebook. I felt that for a week I needed to step back and remove the distraction of Facebook. Something simple I could do! Not huge but an act of obedience on my part!
I began to try to find times that I could steal away and limit distractions. Walking in a quiet park while the kids were practicing their sports etc! Just trying to clear my mind of mental distractions when I spend time in prayer! He began to show me some things that I need to work on or areas I need to change! He gave me insight to steps I need to take for His future plans for us!
In my last blog post I said that I felt God was asking me to be more open with others about my struggles and be more real! Well my next few blog posts I will be sharing some of the things God has been showing me about myself during my time in my "Prayer Closet". I know He will be sharing more with me as well. Hope you all still love me as I am open about the things God is pointing out in my life!
Monday, October 1, 2012
Why Do We Hide Our Messes?
Back in the beginning of September we had a picnic planned that was to be outside. As it turned out, that day they were calling for thunderstorms with damaging winds. At the last minute they changed the picnic to someone's house. When all 50 of us were there some of us ladies were sitting around the table talking about the nightmare we would've had if the picnic would've been moved to our house an hour and a half before around 50 people would arrive! Stories of how we would be running around finding a home for everything! Trying to get things cleaned! Whatever didn't get cleaned up would get put in our room with the door locked! One of the ladies looked at me and asked why if we all are the same way do we worry about it so much! Why do we rush around and try to hide our mess? I answered and said because we're afraid that my mess is worse than yours!
Several days later this conversation came back to my mind. I'm not even sure why it came back to me. But, as I was thinking about it, I thought, you know, it's the same way in our spiritual lives! We always try to hide our "mess" from everyone else! Why do we do that? We know that everyone else has stuff too! But, we are all afraid that our mess might just be worse than someone else's mess! So when we are with others we quickly try to shove all our "mess" into a corner where no one will see it and put on our happy face so that everyone will think that everything is great! Why don't we allow others to see our "mess"? Why can't we be real with others and stop putting on our masks and hiding what's going on inside? I'm not suggesting we start going around whining about how awful our lives are or complaining because I don't like my life! I'm saying being transparent and admitting I have struggles! Admitting I don't have it all together and sometimes I fall! Sharing my hurts and my failures with those around me! Until we come to that place of being authentic we can never really gain victory! Without being real and sharing our hurts with others they are wasted! If we are willing to share then others can be helped by what we've walked through!
This post has been ruminating in my mind for a couple weeks and for some reason I just never got around to posting it. I realize now it's because God wasn't done with it yet! Last week I was with a friend and she was getting ready to tell me something and she prefaced it with, "I've never told you this because I was afraid you would think less of me because you're perfect!" WOW! I felt like someone had thrown water in my face! Boy, was that ever a wake up call! Did I hide who I was so much that someone would think I was perfect? I felt like God said to me you've been wanting to share this post about being real and not hiding things. Are you really willing to do that? How open are you willing to be? Are you ready to share whatever I ask of you? Are you truly willing to allow people to see who you really are?
I'll be honest, I didn't realize how much I must've been wearing a mask. I've always considered myself a fairly transparent person! Well apparently not as much as I am supposed to be! So, I guess I am entering a season of being more transparent! So it looks like some of my future posts may get a little uncomfortable for me as God may be asking me to share more openly! I'll be honest, I'm a little nervous about what this may look like! At the same time, I've been asking God to strip away whatever is in me that will keep me from being completely effective for Him! If this is part of the process I guess that I am one step closer to being the person he needs me to be!
Several days later this conversation came back to my mind. I'm not even sure why it came back to me. But, as I was thinking about it, I thought, you know, it's the same way in our spiritual lives! We always try to hide our "mess" from everyone else! Why do we do that? We know that everyone else has stuff too! But, we are all afraid that our mess might just be worse than someone else's mess! So when we are with others we quickly try to shove all our "mess" into a corner where no one will see it and put on our happy face so that everyone will think that everything is great! Why don't we allow others to see our "mess"? Why can't we be real with others and stop putting on our masks and hiding what's going on inside? I'm not suggesting we start going around whining about how awful our lives are or complaining because I don't like my life! I'm saying being transparent and admitting I have struggles! Admitting I don't have it all together and sometimes I fall! Sharing my hurts and my failures with those around me! Until we come to that place of being authentic we can never really gain victory! Without being real and sharing our hurts with others they are wasted! If we are willing to share then others can be helped by what we've walked through!
This post has been ruminating in my mind for a couple weeks and for some reason I just never got around to posting it. I realize now it's because God wasn't done with it yet! Last week I was with a friend and she was getting ready to tell me something and she prefaced it with, "I've never told you this because I was afraid you would think less of me because you're perfect!" WOW! I felt like someone had thrown water in my face! Boy, was that ever a wake up call! Did I hide who I was so much that someone would think I was perfect? I felt like God said to me you've been wanting to share this post about being real and not hiding things. Are you really willing to do that? How open are you willing to be? Are you ready to share whatever I ask of you? Are you truly willing to allow people to see who you really are?
I'll be honest, I didn't realize how much I must've been wearing a mask. I've always considered myself a fairly transparent person! Well apparently not as much as I am supposed to be! So, I guess I am entering a season of being more transparent! So it looks like some of my future posts may get a little uncomfortable for me as God may be asking me to share more openly! I'll be honest, I'm a little nervous about what this may look like! At the same time, I've been asking God to strip away whatever is in me that will keep me from being completely effective for Him! If this is part of the process I guess that I am one step closer to being the person he needs me to be!
Friday, September 21, 2012
Are You Willing to Go Into the Fire?
Just now I thought of the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. All of us who have grown up in the church know the story inside and out as it's one we've heard since we started going to Sunday School! It's an amazing story of three godly men who would not compromise their beliefs no matter what! Even to death! If you aren't familiar with this story read Daniel 3.
But just now God showed me a different side of the story! Had these three men not been willing to go into the fire, they wouldn't have experienced God's manifest presence! They would've missed out on probably the most amazing experience of their lives! To have God himself come and physically walk with them in that furnace! I felt like He asked me, "Are you willing to go into the fire to experience more of Me? How badly do you want all that I have for you?" Wow! So, I ask you the same question. Are you willing to go into the fire and be taken to a deeper level in your walk with Him? I will tell you right now, it's going to hurt at times, it takes a lot of risk, but I believe that what God has for us in that fire is so worth it!
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Control......Letting Go!
Well, last week was one of those weeks that I had to learn to roll with the punches!
On Monday I woke up and got the kids ready for school and decided I would take a much needed trip to the local bent and dent store! I had my day planned out and got my stuff together and went to the care and the battery was dead! At first I began to get frustrated and then I decided God must have a reason! Brian was going to be able to come give me a jump a little after lunch time. So, I decided for whatever reason God wants me home this morning and I'll go this afternoon!
Tuesday I had plans to meet a friend in the morning to walk and to meet another friend for lunch. I had errands to run in between! It was going to be a productive day! Dropping things off at the consignment shop (which can only be done certain days!), getting groceries etc! Well, I woke up Tuesday morning dizzy and extremely nauseous! So, I thought I better let my friends know that I may not be able to meet them if I don't start feeling better! Well, I ended up getting a message from my one friend that she had to cancel anyway because things weren't going the way she planned either! As it turned out there was no way I was meeting my friend for lunch because I couldn't move off the couch all day! When I let her know, she said God has a purpose! So, I thought okay, she's right. So, she texted me later that day and said that God was able to do some really neat things in her life that day because we didn't have lunch! So, I responded to her that I was glad I was able to be sick so that those things were able to work out. If that's what it took for God to have the opportunity to do those things in her life, then I was willing to take one for the team! Her response to me was that usually when it affects two people God has something for both of them! She asked what God was maybe doing in me that day! And, then it hit me! CONTROL! God was seeing if I was willing to give up control!
But, I like control! I like knowing how things are going to go! I don't mind rearranging things if it's because I want to! So, I said yes God, I will give up control! So, I was determined! I knew if I made that decision that it was going to be tested! And, the rest of my week seemed to follow the same fashion! Multiple times I had to go with the flow as things couldn't work out the way I originally planned them out to be! I usually get a little stressed and slightly over dramatic when there's a wrench is thrown into my plans! (I know for those of you who know me well, you are completely shocked, me over dramatic, never!) But, I will have to say over all I thought I handled it pretty well! Only through God's strength!
Yesterday I was spraying some flea spray on my cat and he wanted to bolt! He was not happy with me! I kept saying, "I know Lucky that you don't like this, but you need to trust me it's for your good! It will make you feel much better in the long run! I'm not trying to be mean, I'm trying to help you!" Then it hit me! That's what last week was like for me! I needed to trust God that what felt temporarily uncomfortable and inconvenient was meant to accomplish something good in me! It was going to help strip away something that wasn't good for me! How often do I not like what is happening in my life and wonder why God is allowing it but really He's saying, you need to trust me! I know this doesn't feel nice right now, but in the long run it is going to be so much better for you because I am doing this in your life! I am doing it because I love you and it's for your good! I could let you alone and not work and you might temporarily be happy, but in the long run you are going to be miserable!
It's amazing how God takes the simple daily routine things we do and speaks through them! I don't know about you, but He does that to me all the time! I will be thinking something about a situation and have a random aha moment! Things in relation to my children, my pets, my house etc! God is so good and if you allow Him to, He'll speak to you through any situation! God is so good!
On Monday I woke up and got the kids ready for school and decided I would take a much needed trip to the local bent and dent store! I had my day planned out and got my stuff together and went to the care and the battery was dead! At first I began to get frustrated and then I decided God must have a reason! Brian was going to be able to come give me a jump a little after lunch time. So, I decided for whatever reason God wants me home this morning and I'll go this afternoon!
Tuesday I had plans to meet a friend in the morning to walk and to meet another friend for lunch. I had errands to run in between! It was going to be a productive day! Dropping things off at the consignment shop (which can only be done certain days!), getting groceries etc! Well, I woke up Tuesday morning dizzy and extremely nauseous! So, I thought I better let my friends know that I may not be able to meet them if I don't start feeling better! Well, I ended up getting a message from my one friend that she had to cancel anyway because things weren't going the way she planned either! As it turned out there was no way I was meeting my friend for lunch because I couldn't move off the couch all day! When I let her know, she said God has a purpose! So, I thought okay, she's right. So, she texted me later that day and said that God was able to do some really neat things in her life that day because we didn't have lunch! So, I responded to her that I was glad I was able to be sick so that those things were able to work out. If that's what it took for God to have the opportunity to do those things in her life, then I was willing to take one for the team! Her response to me was that usually when it affects two people God has something for both of them! She asked what God was maybe doing in me that day! And, then it hit me! CONTROL! God was seeing if I was willing to give up control!
But, I like control! I like knowing how things are going to go! I don't mind rearranging things if it's because I want to! So, I said yes God, I will give up control! So, I was determined! I knew if I made that decision that it was going to be tested! And, the rest of my week seemed to follow the same fashion! Multiple times I had to go with the flow as things couldn't work out the way I originally planned them out to be! I usually get a little stressed and slightly over dramatic when there's a wrench is thrown into my plans! (I know for those of you who know me well, you are completely shocked, me over dramatic, never!) But, I will have to say over all I thought I handled it pretty well! Only through God's strength!
Yesterday I was spraying some flea spray on my cat and he wanted to bolt! He was not happy with me! I kept saying, "I know Lucky that you don't like this, but you need to trust me it's for your good! It will make you feel much better in the long run! I'm not trying to be mean, I'm trying to help you!" Then it hit me! That's what last week was like for me! I needed to trust God that what felt temporarily uncomfortable and inconvenient was meant to accomplish something good in me! It was going to help strip away something that wasn't good for me! How often do I not like what is happening in my life and wonder why God is allowing it but really He's saying, you need to trust me! I know this doesn't feel nice right now, but in the long run it is going to be so much better for you because I am doing this in your life! I am doing it because I love you and it's for your good! I could let you alone and not work and you might temporarily be happy, but in the long run you are going to be miserable!
It's amazing how God takes the simple daily routine things we do and speaks through them! I don't know about you, but He does that to me all the time! I will be thinking something about a situation and have a random aha moment! Things in relation to my children, my pets, my house etc! God is so good and if you allow Him to, He'll speak to you through any situation! God is so good!
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Don't Miss the Miracle!
I am a person who all too often misses out on what is right in front of me because I am looking for the grandiose display that is sure to be coming! Well, I feel like the Lord has been to saying to me, "Don't miss the miracles that are all around you!"
There are many times that God gives me a promise of something that is to come and I am looking for it and expecting it to look a certain way and often times when I am in tune with Him I realize that He is bringing that promise to fruition in a completely different way! Many times through the seemingly "little" things around me! Things that would be easy to miss if I wasn't paying attention! I wonder how often did I miss it because I was too caught up in looking for the "Big" thing!
This isn't really where I saw this post going, but as I am typing this it hit me, that's how the Jews were with Jesus! If I would've been there, would I have missed Him like many of them did! He didn't come the way they expected! They expected a "King" who would come in a royal fashion not a child born in a stable to a poor family, much less a mother who was pregnant before she was married! Not a simple carpenter who had followers who were fishermen and tax collectors! Someone who wandered around the country side and talked about love! They were expecting someone to ride in on a white horse and save the day! Someone who would overthrow their enemies and establish an earthly kingdom that gave the Jews the freedoms they longed for!
I think many times I am looking for that writing on the wall or the parting of the sea that I miss His small whisper! The reflection of Christ in my children's eyes, the beauty of His creation, the seemingly "small" answers to our prayers! Don't get me wrong I'm not saying God doesn't want to do miracles that completely blow our minds, but He doesn't want us to depend on them! He wants us to see Him in every single moment of our day! He wants us to draw close to Him and be intimate with Him so we can hear His whisper in the middle of the chaos of this world! And, honestly in those moments when we get that, it is huge! And I believe it actually opens the door to see those "bigger" things happen!
It's like when God told Elijah that He was going to come to Him! Elijah had to be paying attention or he could've easily missed Him! God chose to come at that moment in the still small whisper! Not a great display!
There are many times that God gives me a promise of something that is to come and I am looking for it and expecting it to look a certain way and often times when I am in tune with Him I realize that He is bringing that promise to fruition in a completely different way! Many times through the seemingly "little" things around me! Things that would be easy to miss if I wasn't paying attention! I wonder how often did I miss it because I was too caught up in looking for the "Big" thing!
This isn't really where I saw this post going, but as I am typing this it hit me, that's how the Jews were with Jesus! If I would've been there, would I have missed Him like many of them did! He didn't come the way they expected! They expected a "King" who would come in a royal fashion not a child born in a stable to a poor family, much less a mother who was pregnant before she was married! Not a simple carpenter who had followers who were fishermen and tax collectors! Someone who wandered around the country side and talked about love! They were expecting someone to ride in on a white horse and save the day! Someone who would overthrow their enemies and establish an earthly kingdom that gave the Jews the freedoms they longed for!
I think many times I am looking for that writing on the wall or the parting of the sea that I miss His small whisper! The reflection of Christ in my children's eyes, the beauty of His creation, the seemingly "small" answers to our prayers! Don't get me wrong I'm not saying God doesn't want to do miracles that completely blow our minds, but He doesn't want us to depend on them! He wants us to see Him in every single moment of our day! He wants us to draw close to Him and be intimate with Him so we can hear His whisper in the middle of the chaos of this world! And, honestly in those moments when we get that, it is huge! And I believe it actually opens the door to see those "bigger" things happen!
It's like when God told Elijah that He was going to come to Him! Elijah had to be paying attention or he could've easily missed Him! God chose to come at that moment in the still small whisper! Not a great display!
1 Kings 19:11-13
New International Version (NIV)
11 The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.
Are you too busy looking for something that you are missing what is already in front of you? Take today and ask God to show you what's already there! Ask Him to reveal Himself to you today in the mundane tasks of your day! Ask Him to make you more alert to hear His whisper in your ear!
Monday, August 27, 2012
Cinnamon Roll Cake
I made Cinnamon Roll Cake for our Real and Relevant Ladies Group on Saturday morning. Those who were there asked me to post the recipe, so here it is! Enjoy!
Cinnamon Roll Cake
Cake:
3 c. flour
1/4 tsp.salt
1 c. sugar
4 tsp. baking powder
1 1/2 c. milk
2 eggs
2 tsp. vanilla
1/2 c. butter, melted
Topping:
1 c. butter, softened
1 c. brown sugar
2 Tbsp. flour
1 Tbsp. cinnamon
Mix everything together except for the butter. Slowly stir in the melted butter and pour into a greased 9x13 pan. For the topping, mix all the ingredients together until well combined. Drop evenly over the batter and swirl with a knife. Bake at 350 for 28-32 minutes.
Glaze:
2 c. powdered sugar
5 Tbsp. milk
1 tsp. vanilla
While warm drizzle the glaze over the cake.
3 c. flour
1/4 tsp.salt
1 c. sugar
4 tsp. baking powder
1 1/2 c. milk
2 eggs
2 tsp. vanilla
1/2 c. butter, melted
Topping:
1 c. butter, softened
1 c. brown sugar
2 Tbsp. flour
1 Tbsp. cinnamon
Mix everything together except for the butter. Slowly stir in the melted butter and pour into a greased 9x13 pan. For the topping, mix all the ingredients together until well combined. Drop evenly over the batter and swirl with a knife. Bake at 350 for 28-32 minutes.
Glaze:
2 c. powdered sugar
5 Tbsp. milk
1 tsp. vanilla
While warm drizzle the glaze over the cake.
I found the recipe here. http://cookinupnorth.blogspot.com/2011/07/cinnamon-roll-cake.html
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Contented Discontentment
Contented Discontentment! I know that sounds like an oxymoron, but that's where I am right now! Let me explain!
For those of you who know me, you know that I have always been insecure! Over the last few years, I have really struggled with not being content in who I am! I have looked around me at others and have struggled with wishing I could have their spiritual gifts, or be used the way God is using them, or have the experiences that they are having! I have felt not good enough or worthy of being used! I have allowed these lies and feelings of discontentment to spiral until I end up feeling totally discouraged and all alone in my lowest times!
Well, this past winter I had one of those periods of time! I looked at those around me and I felt like I was the only one not being used! I felt like we were where we were supposed to be but yet I felt like God wasn't using me in any way! I quite honestly felt left out! Well, after sharing and praying with a dear friend, I was able to move past those feelings and allow God to begin to do a new work in me. Over the past few months he's been bringing me to a place of being willing to wait on Him. It's been a slow process since I tend to take a while to really let things penetrate! I've gone through this in past years and I seem to get it for awhile, but apparently it hasn't been firmly rooted because then something else happens and I'm right back where I was.
Well, the work that God has been doing over the past few months was solidified at a conference I was at last week! God cemented the things that He's been doing in my heart! As I watched ladies around me who are at different places in their walk than I am who have different giftings than I do, there was no discontentment there was simply joy and peace! Excitement for what God was doing in their life and anticipation and excitement for what He is doing in mine! Just because God isn't using me the same way He's using them doesn't make them better than me, just different! We each have a different calling!
He also showed me that even when we think we aren't being used we truly are! We don't always know the impact of what we say and do! I was given the gift of being able to get a glimpse of some of that! God can take the smallest thing we say or do if done in obedience to Him and make it huge! He's an amazing God!
I had another break through last night. As I was getting ready for bed I was just praising God for all that He is doing and who He is! Before I realized it the words "I praise you for who I am" came out of my mouth. I was quite shocked that I said them! My first response was I mean I praise you for who you are. And then I felt like the Lord said, No you got it right the first time and I stopped and I thought, you know I do praise you for who I am! This is honestly the first time in my life that I think I could truly say this! I think I am actually beginning to like me! I don't think I truly ever did before! Yes, I know there are lots of things about me that need to change and that I need to allow God to transform, but for the first time I can actually say I like who God has created me to be and the purposes that He has for me! For me that is a huge breakthrough!
I'll be honest I think I am at the best place I have ever been in my life! No matter what is going on around me or what challenges I may come against, I am at the most secure and content place I have ever been! I am finally moving who I know I am from my head to my heart! I've been able for a long time to recite to you who I am in Christ and KNOW that it is true, but never completely felt it! It's finally sinking down into my heart and taking root! Is it sad that it has taken me this many years to get it?
So, I am contentedly discontent! I am finally content in who I am in Christ! However much or little He has for me at any given moment! No matter how long I have to wait to see His promises unfold! But, at the same time I don't ever want to be content in where I am in my relationship with Him! I am hungry for more! I want to always be hungry for more! Desperate for more of Him!
For those of you who know me, you know that I have always been insecure! Over the last few years, I have really struggled with not being content in who I am! I have looked around me at others and have struggled with wishing I could have their spiritual gifts, or be used the way God is using them, or have the experiences that they are having! I have felt not good enough or worthy of being used! I have allowed these lies and feelings of discontentment to spiral until I end up feeling totally discouraged and all alone in my lowest times!
Well, this past winter I had one of those periods of time! I looked at those around me and I felt like I was the only one not being used! I felt like we were where we were supposed to be but yet I felt like God wasn't using me in any way! I quite honestly felt left out! Well, after sharing and praying with a dear friend, I was able to move past those feelings and allow God to begin to do a new work in me. Over the past few months he's been bringing me to a place of being willing to wait on Him. It's been a slow process since I tend to take a while to really let things penetrate! I've gone through this in past years and I seem to get it for awhile, but apparently it hasn't been firmly rooted because then something else happens and I'm right back where I was.
Well, the work that God has been doing over the past few months was solidified at a conference I was at last week! God cemented the things that He's been doing in my heart! As I watched ladies around me who are at different places in their walk than I am who have different giftings than I do, there was no discontentment there was simply joy and peace! Excitement for what God was doing in their life and anticipation and excitement for what He is doing in mine! Just because God isn't using me the same way He's using them doesn't make them better than me, just different! We each have a different calling!
He also showed me that even when we think we aren't being used we truly are! We don't always know the impact of what we say and do! I was given the gift of being able to get a glimpse of some of that! God can take the smallest thing we say or do if done in obedience to Him and make it huge! He's an amazing God!
I had another break through last night. As I was getting ready for bed I was just praising God for all that He is doing and who He is! Before I realized it the words "I praise you for who I am" came out of my mouth. I was quite shocked that I said them! My first response was I mean I praise you for who you are. And then I felt like the Lord said, No you got it right the first time and I stopped and I thought, you know I do praise you for who I am! This is honestly the first time in my life that I think I could truly say this! I think I am actually beginning to like me! I don't think I truly ever did before! Yes, I know there are lots of things about me that need to change and that I need to allow God to transform, but for the first time I can actually say I like who God has created me to be and the purposes that He has for me! For me that is a huge breakthrough!
I'll be honest I think I am at the best place I have ever been in my life! No matter what is going on around me or what challenges I may come against, I am at the most secure and content place I have ever been! I am finally moving who I know I am from my head to my heart! I've been able for a long time to recite to you who I am in Christ and KNOW that it is true, but never completely felt it! It's finally sinking down into my heart and taking root! Is it sad that it has taken me this many years to get it?
So, I am contentedly discontent! I am finally content in who I am in Christ! However much or little He has for me at any given moment! No matter how long I have to wait to see His promises unfold! But, at the same time I don't ever want to be content in where I am in my relationship with Him! I am hungry for more! I want to always be hungry for more! Desperate for more of Him!
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Confessions From a Mother's Heart
Well, I'm going to be honest, this past week has really beat me up! I have been feeling like a total failure as a mother! My kids' behavior has definitely been less than desirable! I feel like I have completely lost all control of them! It doesn't matter what I say or do, it doesn't seem to work! They have been fighting with one another! They have been disrespectful to me! They have been very mouthy with one another! There has been lying! And, most mornings, this has all been happening by 9:30 in the morning and they're not getting up till 8:00! I've been ready to pull my hair out! I have blown it on more than one occasion and have lost it with them. I have handled it the right way and it doesn't seem to have any better results! No matter how I handle it, according to them I hate them and I'm just being mean! I don't know what to do any more!
Well, as I was praying this morning about the kids, about me and how we are getting along with one another, I felt the Lord impress two words on my heart. CALM and CONSISTENCY! Wow! Simple, but yet....... For those of you who know me well, you know that these two things should be very easy for me because I always remain calm, cool, and collected........ NOT! And, I am always a very consistent person! Well, I do try to be, but I struggle a lot with this! So, I know that these are two areas I need to work on and it will only come with the Lord's strength! I do feel I've come a long way in these areas over the past year, but still have so far to go! I am such a work in progress!
Then as I continued to pray the Lord spoke something so clearly to me that was such a light bulb moment! "Realize who you are battling! You are not battling your children, you are battling the enemy for your children!" WOW! WOW! WOW! All this week, I have felt like I have been in a battle with my children, but I should not be, I should be battling for them! What does that look like! Well, I am going to be praying a lot about that! But, I do know that's one way it looks! On my knees praying! That is where the major part of this battle will be fought! I know that I have no power to change my children, but I do have the power through Christ to claim them and fight the enemy for them! I have the power to not allow the enemy to use my weaknesses to be a poor example to them in that moment when they need a positive example most!
I know that this is going to be a constant struggle and up hill battle! But I am so glad for the reminder that I am not in a battle against my children, but we are in a battle together against the enemy and I need to show them how to fight! Every one of them has told me that they don't want to behave the way they do when they act like that but that it's hard not to give in to the anger, or the temptation to lie, or whatever might be tempting them at that moment! So, I know that they desire to change! I need to walk with them instead of fighting against them! Pray for me that I can do that! I'll be honest, I feel like I've been a little vulnerable about myself and about my children in this post, but really felt I was to post it! Hope none of you will think less of me or my children for my honesty, this is just where we are at at this moment! I'm in a place of humility and brokenness before God trusting he is going to lead!
Well, as I was praying this morning about the kids, about me and how we are getting along with one another, I felt the Lord impress two words on my heart. CALM and CONSISTENCY! Wow! Simple, but yet....... For those of you who know me well, you know that these two things should be very easy for me because I always remain calm, cool, and collected........ NOT! And, I am always a very consistent person! Well, I do try to be, but I struggle a lot with this! So, I know that these are two areas I need to work on and it will only come with the Lord's strength! I do feel I've come a long way in these areas over the past year, but still have so far to go! I am such a work in progress!
Then as I continued to pray the Lord spoke something so clearly to me that was such a light bulb moment! "Realize who you are battling! You are not battling your children, you are battling the enemy for your children!" WOW! WOW! WOW! All this week, I have felt like I have been in a battle with my children, but I should not be, I should be battling for them! What does that look like! Well, I am going to be praying a lot about that! But, I do know that's one way it looks! On my knees praying! That is where the major part of this battle will be fought! I know that I have no power to change my children, but I do have the power through Christ to claim them and fight the enemy for them! I have the power to not allow the enemy to use my weaknesses to be a poor example to them in that moment when they need a positive example most!
I know that this is going to be a constant struggle and up hill battle! But I am so glad for the reminder that I am not in a battle against my children, but we are in a battle together against the enemy and I need to show them how to fight! Every one of them has told me that they don't want to behave the way they do when they act like that but that it's hard not to give in to the anger, or the temptation to lie, or whatever might be tempting them at that moment! So, I know that they desire to change! I need to walk with them instead of fighting against them! Pray for me that I can do that! I'll be honest, I feel like I've been a little vulnerable about myself and about my children in this post, but really felt I was to post it! Hope none of you will think less of me or my children for my honesty, this is just where we are at at this moment! I'm in a place of humility and brokenness before God trusting he is going to lead!
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Lessons From my Flower Bed
I know most of you think I have probably fallen off the face of the earth when it comes to blogging! Life has just been nuts and it's something that got put to the side! Hopefully I can start sharing a little more consistently again. We'll see!
I was out weeding in my flower bed today (I use the term loosely because it looked horrendous and you could barely see any flowers!) It was a big job because, I hate to admit this but, it was my first time to weed it all Spring! I know, I'm a terrible person! One more thing that got put to the side!
Anyway, as I was weeding things out, I realized that much of what I was "weeding" wasn't actually weeds. There was the one flower I planted last year which completely took over the whole flower bed. There were oak trees that had taken seed in my flower bed from the acorns that had fallen from the tree in the yard, etc. It dawned on me that what looked like a mess in my flower bed wasn't even "bad" things. It was "good" things out of control! Even though the flower I planted last year looks nice in small groupings the way it should be, it looked like a ridiculous mess spreading everywhere! Even though an oak tree is a wonderful plant where it belongs all the little seedlings didn't look good in my flower bed!
How true to life! There are often things in our lives (that are good and should be a part of our lives) that spread and take over our whole life! Having that part of our lives under control and having it in moderation is actually a special part of our lives, but if we allow it go uncontrolled, it overshadows other parts of our lives that God wants to shine through us in as well!
There are also those things that sneak into our lives that are good, but God didn't intend for them to be in our "flower bed!" We took it into our lives because it sounded like a good thing, but God didn't intend it for us, he intended it for someone else! But because we are allowing it to take up space in our lives, we don't have room for the things God wants in our lives!
The "weeds" are obvious in my life! They need to go! But, I guess I need to reevaluate and decide are there good things in my life that I have let grow out of control? Do I need to reign it in so I have more space for other things God intended? Are there things in my life that God didn't even intend for me? Am I doing something God wants someone else to be doing? Am I trying to emulate someone else so I have tried to have or do the same things they have/do? Is it what God wants for them but not part of what He has for me?
Just some random thoughts that came to me while doing the mundane chore of weeding!
I was out weeding in my flower bed today (I use the term loosely because it looked horrendous and you could barely see any flowers!) It was a big job because, I hate to admit this but, it was my first time to weed it all Spring! I know, I'm a terrible person! One more thing that got put to the side!
Anyway, as I was weeding things out, I realized that much of what I was "weeding" wasn't actually weeds. There was the one flower I planted last year which completely took over the whole flower bed. There were oak trees that had taken seed in my flower bed from the acorns that had fallen from the tree in the yard, etc. It dawned on me that what looked like a mess in my flower bed wasn't even "bad" things. It was "good" things out of control! Even though the flower I planted last year looks nice in small groupings the way it should be, it looked like a ridiculous mess spreading everywhere! Even though an oak tree is a wonderful plant where it belongs all the little seedlings didn't look good in my flower bed!
How true to life! There are often things in our lives (that are good and should be a part of our lives) that spread and take over our whole life! Having that part of our lives under control and having it in moderation is actually a special part of our lives, but if we allow it go uncontrolled, it overshadows other parts of our lives that God wants to shine through us in as well!
There are also those things that sneak into our lives that are good, but God didn't intend for them to be in our "flower bed!" We took it into our lives because it sounded like a good thing, but God didn't intend it for us, he intended it for someone else! But because we are allowing it to take up space in our lives, we don't have room for the things God wants in our lives!
The "weeds" are obvious in my life! They need to go! But, I guess I need to reevaluate and decide are there good things in my life that I have let grow out of control? Do I need to reign it in so I have more space for other things God intended? Are there things in my life that God didn't even intend for me? Am I doing something God wants someone else to be doing? Am I trying to emulate someone else so I have tried to have or do the same things they have/do? Is it what God wants for them but not part of what He has for me?
Just some random thoughts that came to me while doing the mundane chore of weeding!
Friday, January 20, 2012
It's not about me, it's all about Him!
I truly believe that feelings of inferiority and insecurity are two of the most powerful weapons that the enemy uses to keep God's warriors from being effective and powerful! Trust me, I have been there many times! Too many to count! I'm not good enough to do that God! Why can't I be more like that person? And the list of comments goes on and on!
The problem with these feelings is they are all about me and not about God! Our focus should not be on who we are or what our talents or abilities are, but who God is within us! It is simply about being a willing vessel to be used by Him! We will never be good enough to accomplish the things He wants to accomplish through us! That's kind of the point! It's not for us to get the glory, but Him! So, if it is beyond what I am able to do, it is obvious that it is God!
I think it is time that we stop allowing the enemy to sideline us because we look at ourselves and doubt what WE can accomplish, and step out in faith to the things that God is calling each of us to do and allow GOD to accomplish what He wants to! I challenge you that if you feel God is asking you to do something and you have been afraid that you can't do it, DO IT! We can not allow the fear of failure to hold us back from doing God's mission! He is more than able to do it!
It is not about who we are but whose we are! Christ has already won the victory for us, let's live like it!
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